reverie v. reality

bbq (bear blog questions)

Thank you, Kayla, for the tag on Ava's Bear Blog Question Challenge (+ Silly Questions for Fun from Dabi)!!!

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bear blog questions

why did you make the blog in the first place?

Oh man, haha. I mean, I have it mapped out a bit more neatly in my restoring my sense of self post, but overall, I just felt really like I didn't value my internal dialogue at all; I didn't think I had anything to offer and was really just floating through life like a jellyfish or something! I wanted to reconnect with myself. I really admired some of the people who I'd been following on here in the way that they were able to make their daily lives so relatable through words. I wanted to feel like I could matter a little bit, too! :)

why did you choose Bearblog?

I like that Bear is a smaller platform. I know it's already grown a LOT, just in the year since I've joined, but it still feels more personable & cozy than some of the other options I’ve poked around on & I enjoy that. I have terrible stage fright, so it made me feel a little less like I was stepping onto a stage in front of thousands of people. Sort of the difference between going to a Broadway show that's making the rounds versus your local edition of the same play. Still something you love, and often performed well, but a little less intimidating and hopefully the concessions aren't $30 a pop. I've lost control of the imagery, but you get what I mean.

have you blogged on other platforms before?

Yes! I had a Xanga back in the day (don't laugh) and I tried Blogger and Tumblr at one point. I think I tried another platform during undergrad, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. None of it really stuck! I lasted maybe two months before bowing out, so this is the longest I've lasted! (A year now, as of August 31st - though I missed my one year blogaversary due to settling in to my new medications. What's a girl to do? Life gets in the way.)

do you write your posts directly in the editor or in another software?

I write in an iOS app called Runestone. I am inordinately fond of one-time paid apps and will shell out a flat price with a little less hesitation than I might with a subscription app, if my test drives go well. I really like Runestone, though. It has a lot of option for Language (i.e. Astro, C++, Elm, HTML, Julia, etc. - many of which I've never heard of), and when I utilize Markdown, I can set my color scheme so I can more easily see my Markdown commands in-app. Only wish is that it transferred to PC, but since I generally write on my iPhone or iPad, it really works well for me 99.9% of the time.

when do you feel most inspired to write?

Ahhhhh, I find this question so hard to answer! Let's see...when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when the day has been really interesting, when the day has been incredibly slow, when I want to talk to someone, or when I wish everyone would leave me the fuck alone. Sometimes none of those occasions move me at all! I guess, mainly, I'm most inspired when I feel real and in touch with myself. When I feel out of joint, everything I write feels like a joke; like I'm some amateur play-acting in the big leagues and everyone knows I'm barely managing to make it onto the field. And then, at other moments, the smallest things make me want to write down every little detail, like: Today, I was walking into work, and the sun was so bright - catching, crystalline, in the plume of my breath - as I crossed the lot, and my heels clicked so crisply & rhythmically on each stride that I felt the moment fossilize within those three points: my breath, the sun, the sound. And other times, it's like I can have the best, most memorable weekend ever with my friends and yet I can't get a word out! Um, so, to summarize: I really don't know! The inspiration comes in flashes!

do you publish immediately after writing or do you let it simmer a bit as a draft?

Hit or miss - ramblings, I usually post pretty immediately after finishing them, but anything without that tag has often sat & marinated in the drafts for a bit. I keep three "stages" of formulation in my writing app: drafts, edits, and published. (Easy enough to keep track of, right?) Posts that are "d • title" in my app are the messiest and most disjointed versions of a post. Those could be torn to scraps and made into new posts, or scrapped outright, if I feel so moved. It’s only once I have a general idea of where I'm actually going with the post that I change it to "e • title" so I know it's closer to publishing. Generally, I just need to rework a few sentences or reorder a paragraph or two. And once it's all done, I change it to "p • title" and drop it into the "Published" folder!

your favorite post on your blog?

I'll go with today i am miserable, but tomorrow i won't be (litany against recurrent woe), because it helps me make it through hard days & hopefully helps someone else, too.

any future plans for your blog? Maybe a redesign, changing the tag system, etc.?

Yes - probably a light scrub and bubble on the design, but not within the new few months! Maybe once stuff settles down at work and at home. Right now, I get in the door and put on Leverage in the background to relax and turn my brain all the way off. I cannot fuck with my blog setup right now, haha. She stays how she is until the stars align once more!!!

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silly questions for fun

do you believe in aliens?

Yes! Maybe not in any way we would conceive of, but I think there's some form of intelligent life out there, even if it's just a repetition of us à la the Poincaré recurrence theorem. (This was the closest thing I could find to what I’m trying to describe.)

if you had to dress in just one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I'm going to say blue, because it's my favorite color and I feel like there are so many different shades (that I actually love and would not avoid), so the monochromaticness of it would be variable????

favorite random fact that you know

Some patterns of damage to the visual cortex (part of the occipital lobe) cause something called "Blindsight" — meaning that someone might believe wholeheartedly that they can't see, but can still avoid objects in their way or "guess" what an object in front of them is, if pressed.

childhood dream

To run a huge, farm-sized rescue for animals. To be honest, this dream has definitely followed me into adulthood. Would love to see it to fruition if the means ever become possible one day...(fingers crossed).

if you had to be a teacher, which subject would you teach?

English Literature (favorite class in school) or Psychology (my graduate degree). If I could Frankenstein the two together into a combo class similar to a few of the more specific EngLit classes I took in Undergrad, I would be in heaven - pure and simple!

if you were an astronaut going to the space, which items would you bring with you?

I want to say my cats, but I feel like they would hate it in space, so I'd let them hang out with Trout & Fawn while I was away. Depending on how long I was going for, I think some answers might change, but let's say a month, for now. Definitely some books; maybe two that I already know & love, and two I've been eyeing for awhile. Some way to listen to music. Puzzles (sudoku & crosswords, probably). A notebook and one of those fancy pens that let you write in space.

only being able to run, or only being able to walk?

Run! I have PLACES to be. Maybe I can bring it down to a jog, if I need to be in the moment, but it would send me into a tailspin to have to stroll everywhere. I wanted to say walk for the atmosphere I think it would create of "learning to embrace the moment" but also I know I would be kicking my own ass up and down the street every day because I would end up running late to any and everything if I had to walk.

favorite letter?

I actually love all vowels ferociously...but in particular, E and A. E feels more "crystalline" and A feels "warmer". I think I have to go with A as my favorite. Also, it's so fun to write AAAAAAAA.

a memorable song that has impacted you in some way?

This question makes me break out in hives, haha. It's so hard to pick a song and justify the way it's impacted me.

don't stop me / 'cause i'm having a good time

and i will try to find / a little comfort in it

that's when i miss you / you who are my home

stop this train / i want to get off and go home again / i can't take the speed it's moving in

so open all the blinds and all the curtains

favorite celestial body (planets, stars, constellation, galaxies, etc)

The moon, most definitely, and then the Witch Head Nebula. She's so cute! & I often wish Laika had a constellation of her own.

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tagging: misu

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